New Year: Now What?
With the arrival of the new year we are once again faced with the time of year when we do an assessment of our personal accomplishments and look to add resolutions in order to reach our fullest potential; at least this is what we tell ourselves. Given the traumatic year we just finished, 2020 has left us feeling isolated, helpless and tired. Do you feel like you were unable to accomplish your 2020 goals? Maybe for 2021 the New Year’s resolution thing is overrated anyway. Or, maybe, it’s a good year to set goals, but more importantly, to remember to celebrate what you can and have accomplished.
In my 25+ years as a professional counselor it has become obvious to me that most of our mental battle is in the “head trash” we tell ourselves and high demands we try to hold ourselves to on a regular daily basis. This head trash comes in the forms of high perfectionism, measuring ourselves against others, creating unrealistic expectations, and a lack of self-care. Perhaps we don’t even know when we are happy anymore because contentment is lost among the head trash.
When we head trash events in our life we create two problems: the event itself and the anxiety that compounds the event. Usually things are not in really as bad as they become in our heads. The answer in defeating these mental battles may rest in changing the head trash from thoughts of personal judging to personal cheerleading; from thinking, “It is not what I did not do” to, “Look at all of the things that I did accomplish last year and the strength and courage it took to achieve them.” The positive psychology school of thinking rests on the premise that if individual strengths become the focus, then positive outcome becomes the product of our lives. There is no need to dig up failures other than to learn where to focus your strengths moving forward. Think, “The glass is half full, not empty.”
“... change the conversation in their head to one of unconditional positive regard and a little bravery to face their fears.”
In the past decade I have encountered more young adults in counseling who have become disillusioned with life feeling that they do not have what it takes to be successful or to “make it” in life. Their lack of self-confidence is rooted in unrealistic expectations, comparison, emotional self-abuse, and negative head trash they convinced themselves into believing. My job has become that of a coach in helping them change the conversation in their head to one of unconditional positive regard and a little bravery to face their fears. Life was never promised to be easy or that it necessarily turns out the way we believe it needs to, but it could be just what we need with a little reframing and positive mental health.
If 2021 is to be a New Year it is to be about changing the way that we treat ourselves and celebrate ourselves! The following guidelines may help you achieve your new, positive mindset resolution:
Make yourself a priority
Challenge the negative self-talk
Compliment yourself often
Stop comparing yourself to others
Give thanks for yourself and your blessings
Celebrate your gifts
Be aware of unrealistic expectations from others or yourself
Plan something to look forward to as in a new hobby or vacation
Trust yourself
Happiness can be a choice! This does not mean life will be easy or it will not throw challenges our way, but it does mean our frame of mind can make all the difference in the world to our emotional health. If a smile is said to be contagious, maybe self-compliments are too! Stop fighting with yourself and make 2021 the start of a new adventure. Happy New Year!
George W. Rinker, LPC, MDiv.
We are always available on our phone number 828.669.9798 or by visiting our website www.blackmountaincounseling.org.
